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🌈Q&A (No. 4)

Q1: What is your earliest memory of realizing your sexuality/gender identity? What was that like?

A: My earliest moment of me realizing my sexuality was in 8th grade. I had a crush on this girl in my class and remember feeling butterflies. Previously, I had only felt butterflies for guys, so this was new to me. I started questioning everything I knew at that moment. It all made sense later down the line because I remember kissing my female friends in games and even feeling uncomfortable when I would hug other girls so I think that was me trying to push down my inner feelings.

Q2: What is something you wish someone would’ve done for or said to you during your earlier years of finding/accepting yourself? What is something YOU would tell your younger self or others?

A: Something I wish someone would have said to me when I was discovering myself is that it is okay to feel different feelings and it’s okay to wonder if you like the same sex because people of the same sex can like each other too. I also wish someone told me not to rush my feelings and to feel everything. Something I would tell me younger self is that it is okay to like girls and that I am not a disappointment. I would let her know that her feelings are valid and that she is not alone. Plenty of people feel the same way that she does.

Q3: What was it like for you to accept yourself? Was acceptance of yourself contingent upon the acceptance from peers/loved ones?

A: Acceptance for myself was a rollercoaster ride to say the least. At first, I tried to force myself to being straight because I thought God wouldn’t love me anymore since I grew up in a religious household. It took me years to fully accept myself. I think really until I got to college because up until that point, my mom was not accepting of it and I felt just weird about it. I sometimes still do because she still isn’t 100% okay with it. Accepting myself did come partly of acceptance from others because I didn’t want them to switch up how they dealt with me. Over time, even though I still feel that way, I also know that it is okay to be myself.

Q5: Did you come out or did you just start living in your truth? Do you feel like coming out is necessary/required? Why or why not?

A: I did come out but really, I was forced out and it was a horrible experience really. I feel honestly, we shouldn’t have to come out to anyone. We should just live in our truth and people should just accept it. I know some people have trouble dealing with it but straight people don’t have to come out so why do LGBT people. It’s making us feel more like outsiders because we have to tell people all the time whether its new people we meet, doctors, etc.

Q6: Do you feel like your sexuality/gender identity is apart of who you are or a part of you that you can grow “in and out of”?

A: I think sexuality and gender identity is a part of who you are. It makes up who you are even though it is not everything, but it does make part of who you are.

Q10: When people say they accept you, what are some green flags that indicate that they do? What are red flags that indicate that they don’t? When it comes to people showing support, what is your biggest pet peeve(s)?

A: Some green flags to show that they accept me are not making derogatory comments about LGBT people, they are supportive and make me feel loved. They also show up for you in multiple ways and don’t downplay you. Some red flags are constantly talking about your orientation and the ones in the community, mentioning things like “I wish you had a boyfriend” or mentioning men to you romantically, gaslighting when we express how we feel, and overall, just not trying to even learn about us as LGBT people.

Q16: What do you think your younger self would have to say/think about who you are today?

A: I think my younger self would say wow she made it. When I was going through my discovery process, I was very suicidal and even went to a mental hospital and because of that, she would say that I thought I wasn’t good enough then, that I thought I wasn’t going to see a way out but now I am living and thriving. It hasn’t been easy but you did it and did it to the best of your ability. She would be proud to say that she watched me grow from her to an adult who is prideful of who she is.

"Over time, even though I still feel that way, I also know that it is okay to be myself."

- Angel, She/Her/Hers

IG: theangellorine


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