🌈Q&A (No. 11)

Q2: What is something you wish someone would’ve done for or said to you during your earlier years of finding/accepting yourself? What is something YOU would tell your younger self or others?

A: I wish someone would have just told me that it was okay and that I was normal. I had such a strict up bringing. My sister ran away at 18 and got her first girlfriend and I just remember my parents speaking down on her and just over sexualizing her lifestyle. They would uplift me for being nothing like her so when I realized that I was into women as well I was scared. I watched my sister get pushed into a lifestyle that wasn’t for her to please my parents, so I didn’t wanna end up the same way. If I could tell myself anything I’d tell myself that I am proud of me for going against the grain and roughing out the hard parts to demand that acceptance for myself.

Q3: What was it like for you to accept yourself? Was acceptance of yourself contingent upon the acceptance from peers/loved ones?

A: Accepting myself was really hard. It’s still hard. I had a point where I was doing everything to be accepted by everybody else and being a person who always had a strong sense of self, I felt lost. I was detached from me. It was a long spiritual journey full of pain and mistakes and just allowing so much that I didn’t deserve but now I am so comfortable with me it’s hard for me to accept any criticism. I’m a working progress honestly.

Q6: Do you feel like your sexuality/gender identity is apart of who you are or a part of you that you can grow “in and out of”?

A: I feel like for me it’s who I am. I’ve always been somewhere between masculine and feminine. I played football and played with Barbie’s. I had a crush on JLo at the same time I was crushing on Will Smith. It was never something I grew accustomed to or saw growing up it was always just me.

Q7: Has religion/spirituality had any kind of affect on your journey to accepting yourself (good or bad)? If so, how does that affect your view and/or practice of religion/spirituality today?

A: In the beginning religion had a huge part in my acceptance of me. I didn’t grow up in a religious, go to church every Sunday type of household, but we prayed before bed and before we ate, and the fear of God was definitely there. When I first kind of came out I got so many ignorant comments involving religion from the people around me. I was never a religious person but for some reason I found myself thinking of hell and punishment for my sins. Me finding that home in my spirituality was what gave me that light. Religion is cold and systematic, but spirituality is so warm and welcoming. I could move at my own pace, speak and advise myself knowing that I was made in the image of God, flaws and all. I meditated and prayed for forgiveness that I found out I never needed. Now I don’t practice spirituality I just see myself as a spiritual being who loves and appreciates their life, and every force of nature, ancestor, person, or force that has brought me to where I am today.

Q8: What do you see for yourself in the future? Does the current state of the world have any affect on that vision?

A: I have so many plans for myself in the future. Selfishly I just want to create. I want to design clothes, be a photographer, model, sing, everything beautiful. I know that I also have to root some of my vision in the future, my kids and my grand babies and so on. So, I am in school right now and I plan on getting my MD. Maybe starting my own practice. Something I can pass down and that aligns me with the people and public service. I do believe as we are given beauty and life we must give back. Being a black woman in that field could do so much considering how many black women and men find themselves racially profiled and mistreated while just trying to receive care.

Q16: What do you think your younger self would have to say/think about who you are today?

A: I think my younger self would be so proud of me today. I have a voice now. I’m stronger, I’m more confident and I am building that lifestyle that we always dreamed of.

"I’d tell myself that I am proud of me for going against the grain and roughing out the hard parts to demand that acceptance for myself."

- Anonymous Submission